how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
