Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
