The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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