Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
