I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
