We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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