A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
