I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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