I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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