did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
