ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
