happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
