Only a mothe r could love this liver
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
