Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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