U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
