i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
