Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
