overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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