Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
