i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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