On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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