told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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