I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
