it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize