and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
