So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He better not be in your backpack
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
