youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
