So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
