you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
