why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
