College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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