found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
