she was so not down for the gang bang
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
