you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
