They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
