glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
