life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
