We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
In America we eat man semen.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
