Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
