is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
