my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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