i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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