im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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