She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Every concussion has its silver lining
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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