I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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