There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
