i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's shark week go big or go home
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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