Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
