Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
