My room smells like vodka and shame
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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