You smell like a Billy Joel song
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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