I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
