pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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