there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
